How To Make The First Move On A Guy Over Text

Jorge'southward relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).

Contrary to popular belief, there's nothing wrong with texting a guy first. In fact, it can have quite a few benefits! — Contrary to popular belief, there'due south nothing wrong with texting a guy first. In fact, information technology can have quite a few benefits!

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Should You lot Text Him First?

Imagine you went on a date with a peachy guy. He was intelligent, kind, funny, and a joy to be around. Fifty-fifty better, he seemed to really similar you, too! Yous have the proverbial collywobbles and y'all tin't wait to see him again as before long equally you lot kiss and role ways. When y'all get dwelling, you lot have the intense urge to text him, simply you hesitate.

Should you text him starting time? He hasn't contacted you nonetheless, so texting him would seem desperate, right? Yous don't want to seem drastic, of grade.

Forget all of that. It's completely fine to text a guy get-go; in fact, it'southward oftentimes a swell idea.

This Article Explores:

Eight reasons yous tin (and should) text a guy start.
How to text him first without sounding desperate.
When not to text him first.
When (and when not) to message him first on social media.
What is the "waiting game," and why is it a bad idea?
Is sending the first text coming on too strong?

He would probably be thrilled to hear from you first, especially if he's on the shy side. — He would probably be thrilled to hear from you lot starting time, especially if he'due south on the shy side.

8 Reasons to Text Him First

In spite of what you may take read online or heard from friends, texting a guy first tin can have a lot of benefits. Here are the elevation eight reasons why you can—and perhaps fifty-fifty should—text him first.

It will brand honesty the policy right from the become-become.
You will show backbone and confidence.
Your appointment may non exist skillful at taking hints.
He might be waiting for you to text him get-go.
You'll take control instead of sitting idly by.
You'll spend less time stressing and more time enjoying each other.
Your interest in each other won't last forever.
It can be a turn-on.

Keep scrolling for in-depth discussions of the reasons in a higher place, and accept your phone on hand for that first text!

1. You Are Encouraging Honesty Early On

Later on a appointment, there is nothing wrong with sending a guy a unproblematic bulletin similar: "Hey, I just wanted to say that I had a good time this evening and I promise we tin do it again."

He probably feels the same mode, and if he doesn't, and then who cares? At to the lowest degree now you know. All your cards are on the tabular array, and if he'south a decent person, he will respond in kind past showing you all of his.

Instead of playing a guessing game, you can take the start step to establish openness and honesty early in the human relationship.

After all, if yous beginning out by playing light-headed mind games, then don't be surprised if the games continue once you're by the dating stage. The things that you lot practice when you're first getting to know each other can set the tone for the residual of your relationship.

two. You Are Displaying Courage and Confidence

Want to demonstrate that you're unlike from other women right off the bat? Have some social backbone, and don't be afraid to ask for what yous want. This doesn't mean that you take to be pushy or weird, just information technology does mean that you have to be upfront. It means that you're not afraid to text him commencement if that'south what the state of affairs calls for.

Roll to Proceed

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Lots of women seem to have the erroneous belief that men will be turned off by women who are obvious and upfront. This is not true in most cases. An open and vulnerable woman (or human being, really) is hard to come up by. If anything, your guy will probably be impressed.

Some guys may seem aloof, but really it's just that they don't take your hints well! — Some guys may seem aristocratic, simply really information technology's just that they don't take your hints well!

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3. Your Appointment May Not Take Hints Well

Years agone, a girl pretended that she didn't like me because she was afraid of rejection. She acted disinterested and even went and so far as to exist kind of cold towards me (or and then it seemed to me).

Since I was bad at taking hints, I totally missed all the signs that she was into me and wanted me to make a movement. It was only weeks later, when she was honest with me near how she felt, that it even dawned on me that she was interested. Because she ignored me, I had thought that she actually disliked me!

Some guys are just bad at taking hints, myself included. No matter how long y'all expect for them to contact you, they may never make a move because they but think that you're non interested.

4. He Might Exist Waiting for You lot to Text Him Get-go

Generally, I hold that a guy should text a daughter showtime for practical reasons. It'south what is socially accepted, and most women are simply not willing to put themselves out there like that. More chiefly, almost women prefer to be led by the guys they date, non the other manner around.

However, not all guys got the memo on this ane. For reasons of his own, your love interest may be waiting for y'all to text him first. It'south possible that he doesn't want to bother yous. Maybe he's been rejected past women in the past who accused him of being "creepy" only for showing interest.

There are plenty of reasons why a great guy might exist hesitant to text y'all start.

5. You Won't Just Be Sitting There Waiting for Something to Happen

Because it takes a certain amount of guts to show your interest upfront, many women avoid doing information technology. They avoid texting first, request to spend more time together, and maxim the offset "I dear you."

While this can work out merely fine if you lot discover a guy who has fewer social fears than you do, it means that y'all have given up much of the command over the progress of the relationship. You're sitting at that place waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen.

If that'due south what yous desire, then great. But don't complain if your relationships go nowhere.

The sooner you get the initial texting out of the way, the sooner you can get to the fun stuff. — The sooner you lot get the initial texting out of the style, the sooner you tin get to the fun stuff.

6. You lot Go to Spend Less Time Agonizing and More than Time Enjoying Each Other

When you get right down to it, someone has to contact someone eventually to get things going.

Instead of "waiting at least three days" or, worse, sitting in that location and agonizing indefinitely nearly when this cool person volition text y'all start, just break the water ice already. Life is too short.

7. Romantic Interest Has a Shelf Life

It's a very unromantic thing to say, but information technology's true: Romantic involvement in another person has a shelf life. If you delay acting on your budding feelings, things will cool downwards very apace.

If both of yous are avoiding texting each other first out of a fear of vulnerability, eventually y'all'll start to forget all of the practiced feelings you felt when you saw each other. Your fond memories volition become tepid, and both of you will start to question why you liked the other person in the get-go place.

So strike while the iron is hot! Don't delay things so much. If he's taking also long to text y'all, then text him first and get things going.

eight. Texting a Guy First Tin can Actually Be a Turn-On

Believe information technology or not, many guys really like information technology when girls text first. Being confident is a big turn-on, and sending the showtime text takes confidence! Unless you're sending slews of unanswered letters at a time, consistently sending the commencement text can actually exist a big turn-on for guys. It shows that you're interested and you lot know what you desire.

Besides, for a shy guy, information technology tin be actually refreshing to have a girl transport the first text. It takes a lot of pressure off of him and will instantly make him more than comfortable with you.

One of the keys to not coming off as desperate is making it clear that you have a (great) life that doesn't revolve around him. — One of the keys to not coming off as desperate is making information technology clear that y'all have a (dandy) life that doesn't circumduct around him.

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How to Text a Guy Get-go Without Sounding Drastic

Don't just say "How-do-you-do." This is a pretty lackluster mode to start a chat, and it's highly unlikely that information technology will get (or proceed) his interest. Instead of texting him "hey," endeavor to come upwardly with an opener that will actually create the possibility of a expert back-and-forth.
Show him you lot take a life. Sending a subtle reminder that you've got a life (and an crawly one, at that) is never a bad idea. For example, send a moving picture from a concert you went to or a meal y'all call back he'd like so that he knows y'all're thinking of him without just waiting around for him. Plus, this volition open up the door for you two to take a real dialogue.
Utilize emojis sparingly. Using an emoji here and there can be cute, but be careful not to overload your texts with them. They'll have away from what you lot're saying and make y'all seem incapable of expressing yourself without them.
Don't send a agglomeration of texts in a row. If you've already sent this guy a text (or two), resist the urge to send any more until you hear back. He might just be busy at work or with his friends, and picking up his telephone to see xv messages from you lot is not going to come off equally sweetness.
Listen your grammar. Some other thing that doesn't come up off every bit beautiful? Texting similar a tween. Avoid abbreviating words and overusing acronyms. In brusk, ditch texts like "C u l8r" and "R u free 2nite?" in favor of right spelling and punctuation.
Continue information technology cursory(ish). There's no need to bombard your guy with a text essay right out of the gate. Go on it to a few lines, at most.

While most of the time, texting him first is a great idea, there are certain times when it should absolutely be avoided. — While most of the fourth dimension, texting him starting time is a great idea, there are certain times when it should absolutely be avoided.

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When Not to Text Him First

In most situations, sending the first text is totally fine, but there are a few times you lot should avoid it.

When you're drunkard. Though information technology can be incredibly tempting to text your current cutie when yous've been drinking, it usually isn't a very good idea. Sure, if y'all've been dating for a while and are in a committed relationship, information technology can come off as cute, simply if you've only just started hanging out, information technology can pb to some pretty regrettable texts.
When you're upset. If y'all're upset with your guy, it's a proficient idea to give yourself some time to cool off before reaching out. If you lot don't, y'all might say something yous don't really mean. Likewise, dealing with issues contiguous, or at least over the phone, is unremarkably a much better idea than doing so over text. The absence of intonation, pauses, and volume only arrive too difficult to effigy out what the other person is really trying to say.
When you've already texted him. If you've already sent a couple of texts and had them go unanswered, do not text once again, especially to check if he's gotten your other messages. This will come off equally needy and annoying. Whether he'southward just besides busy to respond right then or he's lost interest and decided to ghost you lot, sending message after message is sure to irritate him.
When you know he's with friends. If y'all know he'south hanging out with his buds, avoid texting him. Give him the take chances to engage with his friends without pressuring him to interact with you lot via text at the aforementioned fourth dimension. If he likes you, he'll shoot yous a text later, and non bothering him when you know he'due south busy will show him that y'all aren't needy.
When he knows you're with friends. In the same vein, don't text him when he knows you're hanging out with friends (honestly, avoid doing this even if he doesn't know—but savour spending fourth dimension with your pals!). This will show him that your life doesn't revolve around him.
When you lot don't actually have anything to say. While the occasional "hey" isn't a criminal offense, it's generally a good idea to avert texting him first if that's all you have to say. It does aught to foster a conversation, and information technology won't make you stand out from the crowd.
When your date only ended 5 minutes agone. While it's a sugariness idea to send a follow-up text after a great date, information technology'south good to give the guy a footling breathing room first. Wait for an 60 minutes or so (or even until the adjacent solar day) so that both of yous tin process the appointment. He might fifty-fifty text you in the interim!

Most of the advice to a higher place applies to social media as well, merely here are a few extra examples of when and when not to message him first via Instagram, Snapchat, or whatever other platform you two use.


DO Bulletin Him If	DON'T Message Him If
You haven't talked in a while and you want to see if he'due south gratis to hang.	Y'all already sent him a Snap and DM'd him on IG.
He simply posted a flick from somewhere you lot've been or would dear to become.	All yous have to say is you want to be wherever he is.
He asks for recommendations virtually what to read or watch next.	Yous have nothing to recommend because you've been too busy peeping his accounts to exercise anything else.

Though it can be tempting to play the waiting game—he waited three hours to respond, so I will too—it's not going to help either of you in the long run. — Though it tin be tempting to play the waiting game—he waited iii hours to respond, so I volition too—it's not going to assist either of y'all in the long run.

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What Is the "Waiting Game," and Why Is Information technology a Bad Idea?

Common online (and in-person) advice encourages women to exist kind of passive when information technology comes to the "texting game." Information technology usually tells them to wait a few days or simply not text a guy until he texts first. Another bit of prevalent (and inane) advice recommends waiting earlier responding to texts. Just considering he didn't text yous dorsum for a few hours doesn't mean you need to wait for the same amount of time before you answer.

Well, guess what? The advice for guys is the same! Become online and have a await around for dating advice geared toward males. Men are encouraged just as much as women to feign disinterest and wait until the other party "chases" them.

Do you see why there might exist a problem there?

The "Waiting Game" Can Keep Two Interested People Hanging

Nosotros've turned into a society of people who are too afraid to show interest in each other. Both men and women might remember that they're "playing the game," but this is what'due south really happening:

Her: Oh my gosh, I really like him, but I don't desire to seem like I like him besides much. It'll make me look bad, like I'k less of a prize. It'll make him think that other men aren't competing for my attention and that I'm desperate for him. This volition make him non respect me. Permit me just look past the phone and pretend I'm only casually interested.

Him: Hm, she seemed really interesting and I'm really attracted to her, but I don't want to seem like I'chiliad one of those guys who doesn't accept other girls lined up. Women like information technology when guys human activity aloof, correct? Let me wait by the phone and see if she gets back to me first.

And this is how two people who like each other hibernate their real feelings instead of existence upfront. Why exercise people feel the intense need to hide these positive feelings, though? What'south with the paranoia almost seeming "as well desperate"?

One give-and-take: ego. A man will employ any alibi to protect his or her ego from social annihilation.

Y'all tin rationalize it all you want, but at the stop of the twenty-four hours, you are agape of rejection. You lot don't desire to look bad. You don't want to seem like you lot don't have other options. You don't desire to build the other person up too much by admitting that you lot similar them. Y'all want the other person to view you in a certain low-cal more you want an honest connexion.

Is Sending the First Text Coming On Too Potent?

Now, is there such a affair as coming on as well stiff? Of course! At that place are legitimately creepy things that yous can practise to seem genuinely desperate—but texting a guy first is not 1 of them.

All you lot're doing is sending a text message. It's not like you're climbing into his window in the middle of the night depositing rose petals all over his bed while he'southward sleeping. As long as you're not doing anything weird like that, there are plenty of great reasons why you should text him first.

Questions & Answers

Question: Practise I need to text him starting time at present?

Answer: Yep, exercise information technology at present! Quit stalling!

Jorge Vamos (author) on May 22, 2018:

Self conscious:

I wouldn't recall texting would be a bother, since he tin just answer when he wants, right? Probably you can just avoid calling him or showing upward all of a sudden without texting him start to confirm a specific time.

self concious on May 20, 2018:

i usually text first, merely the other day nosotros had a very deep conversation about similar and he said his biggest pet peeve was being bothered so he likes to proceed to himself. i dont know what to practice know. merely proceed texting outset?

Cupcake on February 24, 2018:

I usually text starting time then he takes like ii hours to text me back! So I'll wait 5mins then text him back and so the chat usually a in that location. Or I'll text dorsum right away and still go the aforementioned results!!

dashingscorpio from Chicago on Baronial 30, 2017:

Great communication!

"Should you text him first? He hasn't contacted you yet, so texting him would seem desperate, correct? You lot don't desire to seem desperate, of grade."

Women volition never be equal to men in the dating earth until they stop worrying about what (men) recall.

If you tin't "be yourself" y'all're with the wrong person!

"Hey, I just wanted to say that I had a good time tonight and I hope we tin do it once again." - Perfect first text!

The simply other communication I give to people is don't become overly emotionally invested afterward a single date.

Dating is much similar an employer looking to fill up a position.

Until you lot have agreed to have an "exclusive relationship" with someone yous should be keeping your options open up by dating/interviewing (multiple candidates).

One of the reasons why people are and so hung up on terms similar "ghosting", "benching", and "breadcrumbing" is because they emotionally invest in people too quickly.

They're choosing to be a passenger instead of a driver. Too many people spend their fourth dimension beingness/thinking similar sellers and non buyers.

Each of united states of america (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

Each of us has our mate selection process & "must haves" listing.

Each of united states of america has our ain boundaries and "deal breakers".

Last only non least an early on rejection saves everyone time. Ultimately a rejection simply means: NEXT!

Thankfully there are over (seven Billion) other people on earth.